“Alphabetical Poem about Recent Feelings”

In the last chapter that was posted, Chapter 9- Katmandu: Roadtrip to Nepal, I mentioned a poem that Tashi wrote at a pivotal time in our lives.  I wanted to include the poem in our story but was unable to locate it.  I knew I had it saved somewhere amongst many other precious things– it would just be a matter of locating it.  Last week I was on a mission and while going through Tashi’s stash of stuff I found an old shoe box from our early years together.  In it was a small yellow notebook with the words “Ani Jessica” written on it.  It is a notebook that I must have bought while living in Sarnath in those days when I had aspirations to take nun’s vows.  In the center of this book I found three pieces of loose paper folded in half with a poem written in Tibetan by Tashi’s hand.  On the following pages in the notebook there is a translation in English of that same poem that we had worked on together almost twelve years ago.  Feeling like I had just discovered pirate’s treasure, I ran downstairs to share my discovery with Tashi.  We read through the translation together and decided to rework it now that Tashi’s English is so much stronger after all these years.  We were amazed to see how good the original translation was, considering that at that time we barely knew each other’s languages.  I think it speaks to how powerful connection and communication can be between people or beings who truly love one another, despite a language barrier.

So, in this post I am including a scan of the original poem for friends who know or are studying Tibetan as well as the English translation.  Tashi is a fine poet and his calligraphy is beautiful so even if you can’t read Tibetan perhaps you will appreciate the beauty of the script.  He wrote this poem using a popular Tibetan poetic device in which each line of the poem starts with one of the letters of the Tibetan alphabet, in chronological order.  We were, of course, unable to employ this device in the English translation except for in the last stanza where the final letters of the alphabet are used as emotional utterances that seem to correlate in meaning in both languages.

 

 

Alphabetical Poem about Recent Feelings

 

Hi friend–listen to me young girl

These words come from my heart, not just from my mouth

I want to tell you the truth, Perfect Girl who has taken my heart

This is how I feel recently

 

In general, I wanted to be a great meditator, live in a peaceful place,

And to be a qualified monk

But due to my attachment to desire

Now I feel like a fish caught in a small pool.

 

If from the Great Buddhist Teachings I stray

I will be full of sorrow.

So if I don’t practice Dharma from now on,

Before the arrival of old age and death, I will regret it.

 

Without knowing what my parents think and say

People are looking with critical eyes

My Conduct is like that of an animal

No one else would involve in this conduct other than me.

 

Your body is like bamboo that grows on Tsa Ri

— (a Sacred Mountain in Tibet)–

Without doubt or hesitation you showed me affection

In a rush I accepted

Clearly I am now a layperson.

 

I am not disabled

So I am not worried about my livelihood

However if I don’t seize this urgent moment

I will be left single and alone without you.

 

My fatherland is surrounded by peaks of white

Many hills and valleys separate me from there.

This long distance from my parents, brothers and sisters

Is the result of my previous karma.

 

Ha, Ha, He, He!  How you are leaving, girl!

Ah! Ah!  This boy’s mind is like freezing water.

Ha!  The possibility of a new life stands before me.

Ah! Ah!  Foolish I would be to throw away my future path.